the home of fwast......

THE FINAL PART OF TEH LULZ

2008-02-24T08:57:17Z

ZOMG! IT'S TEH FINAL PART OF OUR NNOITRA FIC OF LULZ!!! XDDD THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO READ IT!!!

Title: Bleeding in Unexpected Places
Chapter: 3 of 3
Rating: PG-13- weird and crude references to menstruation and sex
Summary: So Ulquiorra makes a disturbed Orihime explain menstruation and Grimmjow wants babies. How does this crazy crack fic end? Will Nnoitra stop bleeding out of his ass?

It was clear to everyone after Nnoitra's little outburst that he was obviously sexually frustrated.

Well really, if he was going to insist on hard-core BDSM of the "OMG DON'T GO THERE" type, then no wonder no-one wanted to fuck him...or with him. Or whatever.

Ulquiorra just sighed.

"...Szayel, I think you should find some more EDUCATIONAL videos for us."

"Oh it would be MY PLEASURE"

Ulquiorra could swear the sleazy grin plastered all over Szayel's obviously gay face screamed: ULTERIOR MOTIVES.

"Szayel. I LITERALLY mean 'EDUCATIONAL.'"

It was at this moment that Tesla shyly put. his hand up.

"Errr....Ulquiorra-san? If i could just point out....some of the the educational videos are rather......graphic. In a grotesque way. Or explain it using badly drawn cartoons and euphemisms."

"I'm sure we're more MORE THAN CAPABLE of handling graphic grotesque things. Are we not Espada after all?"

"......I actually saw one once. Lillinette was watching it. She said it was really confusing and that they didn't demonstrate anything. Apparently they just had weird abstract shots of something that looked like milk flowing down a sewer tunnel." came the bored voice of Stark.

That in itself was enough to make the idea of 'educational' videos even more...wrong.

A confused Nnoitra blinked stupidly and uttered: ".......whut?"

"Why are you asking me? I'm not the expert, you know! And anyway can we UNINVOLVED Espada be allowed to go back to napping??!!"

Gin, by his side next to Aizen pimp-daddy, giggled.

"Apparently they forget that they may menstruate any day now."

A collective "WUT??????!!!!!" echoed around the room.

Nnoitra's newly sensitive emotional state couldn't handle the pressure and insanity and he stamped his skinny foot on the floor.

"AWWWWW FUCKIN' HELL!!!!! I DUN WANNA HAVE BRATS!!!! OR BLEED FROM MY FUCKIN' BUTTHOLE!!! AND THIS TAMPON THING FEELS WEIRD!!! IT'S LIKE A MINI BUTTPLUG OR SOMETHIN'!!!!"

If you thought nothing else could stun these Espada into silence, you were very wrong.

"CAN YOU NOT SAY THAT?!"

"....Yammy.....you actually thought these things were food?"

"..................awwwww shaddup Ulquiorra!!!"

Getting impatient with all the ranting about the problem, Grimmjow yelled to the room: "LOOK...ok so we BLEED FROM OUR BUTTS and we can have KIDS! Let's stop bein' pussies and DO SOMETHIN' about it!"

To which Ulquiorra calmly replied: "Which is why we need the educational videos, Grimmjow."

"But you heard wha' Starky said! They don't show nothin'!"

A pissed off Nnoitra interrupted: "Then we'll just have to question that woman again DON'T WE???!!!"

"YUUUCK I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT SEX FROM NO WOMAN!!"

"WELL THAT'S JUST TOOOOOO BAAAAAD PUSSY BOY!!!"

If anything, one could swear that Nnoitra was experiencing a rather noisy bout of PMS.

"Che! Don't fuckin' call me 'pussy boy'! YO! ULQUIORRA C'MERE!"

"What?"

And in the 'suave-Junichi-Suwabe-voice-of-d00m-which-sends-fangirls-squeeing-and-creaming-their-panties', Grimmjow sexily growled, "How's about I teach ya the finer points o' breedin'?"

Szayel latched himself to Grimmjow's shoulder and with a leering, hopeful smile asked: "May i join in?"

"FUCK OFF!!!" growled the irrate kitty.

"...ah Grimmy's so meeeeaaaann..."

A slightly unimpressed Ulquiorra shoved Szayel out of the way and continued speaking: "....and how is it that you know about the process of reproduction?"

"Eh? Oh, well I did it lots with Il Forte and sometimes with the arrancar chicks when they kept makin' passes at me. You know...Lolly and Bolly or Molly and Jolly or sumthin" he said with a casual shrug.

".......................ah, I see..."

"Now....what's say ya come tah daddeh eh?" winked Grimmjow with a dirty grin.

Now although Ulquiorra seem to be unimpressed with Grimmjow's boorish attempts at being 'romantic', he had to admit somewhere in the deepest abyss of his mind, Grimmjow was, to be blunt, quite hot. And no he would not mind 'getting some of that'.

But that didn't mean that he was going to throw himself at the psycho like a submissive female. Oh no, Grimmjow would just have to work for it.

"Hmmmm...don't you already have some arrancar females to copulate with?"

"Meh. They scream too loudly. Also they don't put up a fight. I like a good bitch who puts up a fight"

Something about that statement made Ulquiorra want to smile, but instead he settled for emitting a sickeningly, almost saccharine aura.

"Like for instance, a stab my arm through your body fight?"

Grimmjow stared in amazement at Ulquiorra. Perhaps emo-boy wasn't so....stickupyourbutt as he thought he was. And this made his mouth split into a wide psycho grin.

"Oooo I like the way yah think pretty boy...what's say you an' me go an' make some pretty emo kitty-babies eh?"

"Will you be carrying said emo kitty-babies?"

"Oh sigh, and I here I was hoping you would do it...."

"......fine. I'll carry your violent babies."

The level of psycho of the grin on Grimmjow's face when Ulquiorra said that, was in all seriousness, OVER 9000.

"...So can I record it for educational purposes then?" asked a still-hopeful Szayel.

"PFFFTT!!! No fuckin' way!"

And with that, Grimmjow hoisted Ulquiorra over his shoulder.

Which set off Nnoitra once again.

"OY!!! HOW COME I DON'T GET ANY??!!! I'M THE ONE FuCKING BLEEDIN' HERE AND EMO-BOY GETS THE SWEET END OF THE DEAL AGAIN???!!"

"Then go fuck TESLA or someone!"

"BUT MY BUTT IS BLEEDING!!!"

"Does that mean...Nnoitra is an uke? asked Szayel with a GIANT SLY GRIN.

This speculation causes most of the Espada to look ILL.

Even HALIBEL. Who has just lost any sense of respect for Nnoitra's manhood.

"Oooooo....ain't this interestin'...naaaa Aizen-san?"

"Indeed, my dear Gin. I always thought Tesla would be the uke for Nnoitra."

Tesla blushed in embarrasment while Nnoitra flailed and keysmashed like an uber anime fangirl.

Seeing Nnoitra getting OWNED, Grimmjow laughed psychotically and proceeded to haul his Ulquiorra off to make emo kitty babies, leaving the rest of the Espada to deal with Nnoitra ranting and swearing about unfairness and how he's not an uke and why does Ulquiorra steal all the attention and why his ass is still bleeding and no-one else's isn't.

Halibel stepped forward.

"...would you like to try a bra?"

"And what the hell does that have to do with my bleeding butt?"

With a comforting hand on Nnoitra's shoulder and a rather deceptively concerned voice, Halibel said: "Well....since you're already experiencing what humans call PMS, you might as well try your hand at bras. Isn't this great? You can get rid of those stupid misogynistic tendencies of yours now! Perhaps I should go tell NEL TU that so she can beat you up for all the abuse you put her through."

"SO YOU'RE NOT HELPING ME AFTER ALL YOU EVIL PEOPLE!!!!"

Gin continued giggling in his corner.

Aizen-sama came down from his pimp throne and benignly came over to console Nnoitra.

"Maaa maaaa, Nnoitra...please calm down...perhaps you can find something to occupy yourself with for the time being until this menstruation period stops."

"Like WHAT?"

And with his enigmatic, benign, omniscient smile of d00m, Aizen said: "Like cleaning up all the blood you've dripped all over my nice pristine white floors. Tut tut...perhaps you should consider changing your tampons?"

~THE END.

MOAR LULZ

2008-02-23T09:58:01Z

Hi guys! As promised, we bring you the second part of our crack Bleach fic!
Title: Bleeding in Unexpected Places
Chapter: 2 of 3
Rating: PG-13- weird and crude references to menstruation and sex
Pairing: A little dash of Grimmjow/Ulquiorra, with hints of Nnoitra/Tesla, Aizen/Gin
Summary: So Nnoitra is bleeding from a place we don't want to know and discovers tampons. Now we see what happens when Orihime is made to educate Espadas on the workings of the human body...

Orihime Inoue sighed.

Hueco Mundo could really be, to put it bluntly, a boring shithole.

Of course no-one bothered to bother her except perhaps the odd condescending visit from Ulquiorra-san or Nnoitra-san stopping to make some lewd remark.

So when Ulquiorra-san opened the doors to her cell that looked suspiciously more like a pimp lounge space, Orihime wasn't too surprised.

"Woman. I am here to ask a question."

Orihime blinked and look slightly surprised. Well this was certainly a new conversational development.

"Ummm...ok, what do you want to ask?"

"Do humans menstruate out of their rectum?"

If Orihime had been drinking at that very moment, she was very certain that she could've projectile vomited whatever it was she was consuming and it would land at the very far opposite wall from where she was standing.

Did Ulquiorra-san say just what she think he said?!

"Woman. I asked you a question. I demand an coherent answer, not your monosyllabic onomatopoeic babble"

Ah, there was the normal Ulquiorra-san and his condescending monotone.

"Please don't be rude, considering what kind of ridiculous question you're asking."

"It is not a ridiculous question. I am being perfectly serious."

Oh, how lovely, thought Orihime. This is really not going in a good direction...

"Apparently Aizen-sama has given us the ability to discharge blood from our anal cavity for some unknown reason. Now i do not know why, but if this is not the will of Aizen-sama, then this must be stopped at once. It is absolutely degrading to soil the pristine landscape of Aizen-sama's observational post"

Orihime could feel the OMGness coming on.

"You're...menstruating? Or are you hemorrhaging?"

"...............................what is this hemmorhaging you speak of?"

Orihime really couldn't believe she had to explain this kind of thing to a Hollow of all things. Wasn't this more a job for someone like...Chizuru?

".......for example...have you been fucked up the ass?"

Ulquiorra blinked.

"....if you are referring to the act of anal sodomy, I have not. and neither has any of the other Espada for that matter. I am only asking because Nnoitra suddenly started bleeding from his nether regions and Aizen-sama said that we needed to acquire a 'tampon' for him. So his fraccion Tesla obtained one apparently from Yammy who apparently obtained them when we went to the real world on a mission one day. I have absolutely no idea when that blockhead had the time to do that, but to buy human products without Aizen-sama's permission is not right."

Orihime by now was on the verge of fainting from aural trauma.

"....does that mean...Yammy-san is bleeding too?"

"....Yammy has not said anything...although I do recall him saying that I should try consuming these white things which are shaped like cylindrical confectionary and that he had an entire box of them."

Orihime was starting to REALLY want to channel Tatsuki and scream: ARE YOU BLOODY FUCKING MAD???!!! But, she was too NICE to do so.

"...so you're not hemorrhaging...okay...menstruating just means you can possibly have children...though for people like...you i'm not sure HOW."

"....I see. So menstruating allows us to breed. Is this a good thing?"

"...well that depends....do you WANT to breed?"

"I have never thought of the concept. In any case, I will take my leave now. I think I have sufficient information to tell the rest of the Espada. Thank you for being helpful, woman. I will see to it that your eating portions are tripled."

"Errr...ok?"

Some time later, Ulquiorra came back into Aizen's pimp room where all the Espada were gathered, waiting to hear the answers to why they were potentially "baby-carriers" as Szayel put it.

Aizen, slouching like a sexy pimp on his throne, gestured for Ulquiorra to come forward.

"Ulquiorra, please crush your eye again so that we may absorb your information."

Nnoitra mumbled something under breath about 'more like wanting to SNORT emo-boy's eye to get high'.

"Hai."

And so Ulquiorra crushed his eye and turned it into particles of technicoloured dust.

Which some of the Espada stare mesmerisingly at and Aizen snorts up his nose.

In an ELEGANT and SUBTLE manner of course.

And everyone gets to experience the lovely questioning of Orihime.

Of course Grimmjow is always the first to comment.

"................so we're not bleedin' outta our asses?"

Everyone thinks that Grimmjow has CLEARLY missed the entire point.

Ulquiorra gives Grimmjow his best unpleasant expression, which is rather hard since he is quite incapable of moving his facial muscles more than 1/100th of an inch.

"Would you like to have children, Grimmjow?"

"CHILDREN??!! ...............hmmmmmmmmmmmm.........."

Grimmjow then proceed to pause and imagine a horde of miniature cat-boy versions of himself running around.

Giving a Ulquiorra a snarky grin he heartily bellowed: "Heh! Why not?! They'll grow up tah be lil' badasses liek daddeh."

"....Are you aware of the process of having children?"

"Duh! I'm not stupid ya know...Il Forte brought back summa that stuff called 'porn' or somethin' from the real world."

A long silence resounded throughout the pimp room.

Only to be broken with the sound of Nnoitra going:

"PORN??!! WHEREZ??!! IS IT BE OF THE BDSM TYPE???!!!"

~TO BE CONTINUED

OMFG WE CAME BACK FROM TEH DED...LIEK OMG...

2008-02-22T10:59:49Z

OMG AAJDHDSHDSJDILSJDILSAHDUSGDUIASDHGUIASDGHIUASD WE'RE STILL ALIVE???!!! O___O

Fan here. Hmmm....we apologise for the lack of posting XD But yes...life has kept us busy...somewhat...

Anyway, you're in luck today! We've got something of a fic for you!

Title: Bleeding in Unexpected Places
Chapter: 1 of 3
Rating: PG-13- weird and crude references to menstruation and sex
Pairing: A little dash of Grimmjow/Ulquiorra, with hints of Nnoitra/Tesla, Aizen/Gin
Summary: This is just fucked-up crack. The entire story generated out of which generated out of an MSN conversation and was inspired by the following pictures:

There is also a reference from this fic by marinliliz about the description of Hueco Mundo.

It was just a normal day in Hueco Mundo.

Normal meaning extremely boring. And monochromatic.

However a small incident was about to change that. And add a bit of...colour...to the landscape.

One Nnoitra Jiruga, Cinco Espada, started bleeding. And not because he just had an epic battle.

Nnoitra, to his sheer and utter amazement, was bleeding out of his...nether regions.

A loud resounding "FUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!!" sounded over the vast monotonous sand hills of Hueco Mundo.

Out of nowhere, Sousuke Aizen's enigmatic omniscient voice boomed out "Would someone please get Nnoitra a tampon?"

If it wasn't bad enough that every Espada and arrancar was informed of his embarrassing predicament, that emo ass-kisser Ulquiorra Schiffer just had to add: "Nnoitra...you are soiling Aizen-sama's observational post with your unnecessary body fluid emissions"

"...shut up. WHERE'S THE FUCKING TAMPON ALREADY"

And as fast as his sonido could make him go, Nnoitra's little 'manservant' Tesla came hurrying out with what was a super-absorbent tampons and exclaiming in his most adoring voice: "NNOITRA-SAMA! I bring you your tampon!"

There was a long void of silence as Nnoitra stared at the 'tampon' that was even smaller than those tiny Hollow lizards that lived in the desert.

"WTF?! WHYZ IT SO FUCKIN SMALL??!!"

"...have you been putting questionable things up your ass again, Nnoitra?" asked a rather too interested Szayel Apollo Grantz.

"HECK NO! I'M NOT LIKE YOU! YOU'RE THE ONE WITH BALLS ON YER SWORD!!! AND ANYWAY HOW'S THIS FUCKING SMALL PIECE O' SHIT SUPPOSED TAH HELP???!!"

Tesla (the poor thing) wibbled and whimpered out something about the bullet-shaped white thing being 'super absorbent'

"DON'T THEY COME ANY BIGGER???!!!"

To which Tesla shook his head.

As if things weren't bad enough, a deceptively cheerful drawling voice belonging to a certain silver-haired foxy man sounded behind Nnoitra:

"Oya? But why do we hav' tampons in Hueco Mundo?"

Tesla dutifully replied that he got the tampon from Yammy.

"Ehhh? Why? Is Yammy menstruating as well?"

Some of the Espada could swear that the smile on Gin Ichimaru's face when he said this was unnaturally wide and freakier than a horde of Gillian attacking a weak Hollow and eating its guts.

"Now, now, please, Gin...let's not be inappropriate now shall we?"

"Awwww...but Aizen-saaaaan, it's not inappropriate at aaaaaaalllllll! If Nnoitra and Yammy are both menstruatin' this could be serious. Wha' if th' other hollows and arrancar start menstruatin' too?

Aizen paused and thought about this for a moment.

"Hmmm...you have a point there Gin...maybe the Hougyoku gave them the womanly attributes of menstruation so they could reproduce amongst themselves"

Another enigmatic smile of doom.

Needless to say, every Espada in the room was grossed out by this new speculation into their anatomical habits.

A guttural shout of "THATS DISGUSTING!!!" was heard from Grimmjow Jeagerjacques which essentially summed up what every Espada was thinking.

Ulquiorra blinked and took a moment to process this new information.

"....reproduce?

"Yes Ulquiorra" said a still enigmatically smiling Aizen

".........does that mean we'll be inseminated somehow?"

"....................................Saaaaaaaa...."

A silence passed between these two until Grimmjow interrupted their attempt at breaking the world record for the longest staring contest.

"HEY! WHAT'S THIS SHIT ABOUT BLEEDIN' OUTTA MY ASS"

"Grimmjow...that's WRONG!" came the distorted electro-trance voice of Aaroniero Arruriere.

"WHAT??!! ARE YOU SAYIN' YOU'D RATHER BLEED OUTTA YER COCK THEN???!!"

"...maa...perhaps i can do some examinations, yes?" interjected a rather too enthusiastic Szayel.

"NO!"

".....how cruel..."

"WHY DO WE HAVTA BLEED OUTTA OUR ASSES??!!"

The low, dulcet tones of the only Espada with whom this predicament made sense with, Halibel sounded out: ".....why do i have to? I'm already dead anyway..."

"WE"RE ALL DEAD ALREADY!!" yelled a pissy Nnoitra who was currently squatting awfully since he had the tampon up his butt now.

Aaroniero, who had now switched to 'Kaiencar' form said: "Maybe i should ask Junior Kuchiki about this matter...."

"I highly doubt any of the shinigami are bleeding out of their rear ends..." quipped a bored Szayel

Nnoitra in a rare show of intelligence *snicker* slapped his forehead and exclaimed, "WAITAMINUTE!! WE GOT THAT ORIHIME CHICK OR WHATEVER IMPRISONED! SHE'S A HUMAN! LET'S ASK HER!!"

Now since Ulquiorra was technically Orihime Inoue's babysitter, immediately stood up to head off to her cell.

To ask unpleasant questions concerning menstruation and insemination of course.

~TO BE CONTINUED

So Fan was on a very weird high today.

2007-11-08T11:32:45Z

Today was a very interesting day. There was good and there was bad. We were attempting to purchase a cute little iMac G3 from Reverse Garbage but a few unfortunate things happening along the way which led to the purchase being postponed. And then we went around Kinokuniya and looked at some manga.

After we looked at the manga, then we looked at the Japanese magazine and yaoi section. This was when Fan started to act rather interesting. Well, drunk really. :D Except that she actually hadn't had a single drop of alcohol. Basically, Fan was high one second and then wasted in another and was doing weird things like go "Bleeeeeegh" randomly.

Fan started to giggle randomly and make very strange obvious comments when we go to the yaoi section and then was acting wasted and DED when we headed on to the language guides section to look for French and Japanese guides. And when we were searching for something and there was none of it in stock, she was all HEADSCREEN and "FAIL!". The unfortunate people who happened to be in the same aisle with us at the time were giving us some very strange looks.

...............

I'm surmising that today I'm not very funny. But it did happen, I just can't phrase it well today XD Perhaps someday I actually can bring a camera and photospam the crazy that is Fan on a high. :D

And the elusive Woo finally posts.

2007-10-27T12:25:40Z

Because Woo is a horrifically boring person with a boring life, she rarely posts unless Fan decides to tell her to get off her lazy butt and POST.

So Woo has decided to do a bit of random spiel today, which is rooted in the mechanics of a logical sex scene, ~~not sure if it's accurately named, but hey, it sounds smart and official~~. So why the strange and not child-friendly topic, you wonder?

Well, Fan and Woo enjoy partaking in some roleplay, and as with all roleplay, sometimes what's in your head is not in another's. Thus some discrepancies will occur in setting or position of some sort. Today we had a slight loling over the inconvenient placement, or looking at it in a different way, lack of chair in the midst of a sex scene. So we ended up using a bit of brainpower to try and revise the situation to include the extremely minor yet suddenly important inclusion of the ~~damn~~ chair.

And yeah. Something random to think about the next time one attempts to write a sex scene.

Have a fantastic, yaoi-filled day, everyone. Maybe the next time Woo posts it won't be so random.

We bring you...FIC!

2007-10-14T11:01:46Z

Hi guys! It's Fan here...and OMG...we have...a FIC for you all. O__o
This is sort of our first go at Tenipuri yaoi so please bear with us!

Title: How Do You Say "I Want to Fuck You" in LOLcat?
Chapter: 1 of ?
Rating: errm...PG-13...for the moment
Pairing: Niou/Eiji, with maybe a dash of other pairings here and there
Summary: Niou discovers LOLcats. And has an itch for Kikumaru. Kikumaru-chan keeps making those kitty noises right? So what better way to flirt with kitty-boy than to use LOLcat speak

'Oh hello Yagyuu-kun! Here to see Masa-chan? He's upstairs'

And with a polite 'Thank you' and a slight bow, Yagyuu headed up the stairs of the Niou household.

Usually Niou would raucously greet him at the door with a lewd comment or two and then proceed to drag, no make that, haul Yagyuu up to his room by the arm.

It was a wonder that Niou hadn't managed to pull his arm out of his joint socket yet.

So to Yagyuu, this lack of hyperactivity usually either meant something was wrong with his doubles partner. Or worse, something wrong was about to happen to him.

Like falling into one of Niou's complicated booby traps while walking up the stairs.

Thankfully though, Yagyuu managed to make it up to the (questionable) safety of Niou's room without triggering any booby traps and opened the door to Niou's room.

Niou was sitting hunched in front of his computer staring beadily at the screen.

But that wasn't what surprised Yagyuu.

What mildly surprised Yagyuu was that whatever it was that Niou was looking at, he seemed to be concentrating an awful lot on it.

Usually, Niou only applied this kind of concentration on certain things such as conceiving a new prank, how to cheat his way through any video game or the simple act of looking as if he was concentrating just so he could appear, in Yagyuu's words, somewhat intelligent.

"Ahem"

Niou temporarily snapped out of his stupor and blinked rather curiously at the computer screen, thinking it had started talking to him. Until another 'polite' cough sounded again from behind him.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Yaaaaagyuu! You're here!"
"Yes, Niou-kun, I am as you so eloquently put it, here. Now are we going to complete this Science project or do you wish to keep me standing here in your room like a tacky marble statue?"

"You'd look the part if ya had ya clothes off" drawled Niou with a cheeky wink.

A lesser human being would have blushed somewhat, but having been practically super-glued to the Trickster for most of middle school, Yagyuu had developed an immunity to all of Niou's lewd comments and attempts at being seductive.

"Maaaa...in any case, you came at like just the right time"

"....I did?"

"Ya huh...see, there's somethin' I wanted to ask you about, you know...seein' as though you're like, smart and all"

"Why thank you Niou-kun, but flattery will get you nowhere. What is it that you want me to do now?"

"Promise me ya won't laugh?"

"Niou-kun, there is hardly anything you could say that would cause me to break into a speal of laughter."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever- umm...Yagyuu?"

"Yes Niou-kun?"

"How would you put the phrase 'I want to fuck you' in LOLcat?"

Yagyuu hypothesised that in the amount of time it took him to process the adsurd drivel that came out of Niou's mouth, the bacteria on that half-eaten pizza on Niou's desk would have multiplied enough to create an entire battalion of protozoa.

"Well?"

"Niou-kun..."

"Yagyuu..."

Sigh. This was going to be somewhat painful to Yagyuu's mental state.

"Niou-kun..."

"That's my name!"

"Yes, as we already know. But putting that aside, why are you asking me to paraphrase a vulgar sentence into...what was it? Lolcat. Just what is a Lolcat?"

"LOLcat, not Lolcat"

"That is besides the point, Niou-kun"

"Well it IS LOLcat, and anyway, they're these really awesome photos of cats with funny captions on them! Look!"

Niou excitedly pointed to his computer screen at a photograph of a cat which appeared to be somehow posing in an absurd manner reminiscent of a javelin thrower surrounded by other cats, one of which was wearing, much to the distaste of Yagyuu, a leather studded collar.

And to add to Yagyuu's further horror at this travesty was in big, bold letters, what appeared to be a bastardised form of the English language which said:

'LEAN WIT IT. ROCK WIT IT.'

'Isn't it COOL?'

Yagyuu would have said something along the lines of "No Niou-kun, a photograph of cats doing strange things juxtaposed with bad English grammar is not, as you put it 'cool'", but upon seeing Niou making an expression not so dissimilar to one that a child would make upon seeing a mountain of candy, Yagyuu's gentlemanly conscience decided to let it slide for now and he simply said:

"Ah."

"So yeah...how do I say 'I want to fuck you' in LOLcat?"

"What, you mean you want to say that sentence in that bastardised form of English?"

"Yeah...whatever you just said."

"Ummm...Niou-kun"

"Yeah?"

"Why?"

"Eh? So I can say it to that lil' redhead from Seigaku"

"...You mean Kikumaru Eiji..."

"YEA!"

"Niou-kun..."

"Jeez, Yaaaaagyuu enough with saying my name already! I'm not thaaaaaaaaat dumb ya know!"

"MASAHARU"

"....Yeah?"

"Just EXACTLY what is it that you're trying to do here..."

"Isn't it obvious? I wanna get it on with that lil' Seigaku redhead"

Yagyuu wondered if Niou had actually taken a bite of that bacteria-infested pizza.

Comments and reviews appreciated!

Cross-posted to tenipuri_yaoi